“...now the beast comes out, And We Are At The Mercy of This Beast that has caged and controlled us...”
This post is a continuation and brief explanation on request of readers especially of the RTT forum of what was the cause and triggers of Anger in the story I posted- 'Angry- Shall I drop the baby?' (Read here)
“...now the beast comes out, And We Are At The Mercy of This Beast that has caged and controlled us...”
This post is a continuation and brief explanation on request of readers especially of the RTT forum of what was the cause and triggers of Anger in the story I posted- 'Angry- Shall I drop the baby?' (Read here)
So a person reading this would probably find this story and the scenes interesting, and also hazard a guess, make an assumption. The truth is, We as RTT therapists cannot make an ‘assumption’. Our role is to go Deeper. Just like our clients are invited to Go Deeper, we also have a job to Go Deeper. From the story on Anger and Parenting that I posted, we Cannot gain a Full picture of what is going on. Because the Feelings in each of those scenes has not been widely enough described. I was being honest in asking- what was the belief, programming etc going in in scene 1,2,3,4? And all of it would be based on a deeper well-explored understanding of- what was the client Feeling? Without knowing that, we are hazarding a Guess. We are not interested in Guesses. We have tools.
You see the scene can be the same, but the feeling the person experiences would be unique and a different combination for each person. It is not the scene, the event, that changes us as Marisa Peer explains. It is the Meaning and the Interpretation we attach to it. And to find that Meaning- Follow the feeling. Follow the feeling and Go Deeper with your client. So one person for example,could in that same situation feel Sad. And that could further lead to- “I feel lost, I feel lonely”. “And that makes me feel?....finish the sentence ?” “Angry”. Or it could be- “I feel sad.... because no one is around, that means I’m not important, no one loves me...and that makes me feel- Hopeless...Helpless” And that makes me feel....finish the sentence ?” “Angry”.
As a result, now -‘when I feel lost or overwhelmed- I feel angry. ‘
Or- ‘when I feel Rejected and Unloved, I feel angry. ‘ Same situation, but the feeling attached changes the Trigger mechanism.
Hurt people hurt people. We know the saying. But it is Not always about hurt only. Sometimes it’s caused by “Imprints”. Technical term. When you have a stressful situation and one parent reacting badly for example.
Sometimes it is ‘Learned Behaviour’. Example- “I hate my father behaving the way he did, but now his triggers are mine!”
Also important is to understand what did the person learn about what was the Successful behaviour of the Strong people in the family, wiser circle of influence?
In this story, the father, but also the Brother were Stronger examples of Success within the family dynamics. Brother pushes father away. Even Mother could not do that! We sympathise with Brother! Hurray for Brother! So we learn perhaps- ‘we have to fight and stick up for what we don’t like, or we will be trampled!’ So we do that. And we do that. Do that some more.... and now it’s become our Behaviour, it’s Become who we are, It’s the only way we know how to respond to any stressful situation. So now the baby is crying, but we have not Learned any other coping skills about successfully resolving stressful/conflict situations- so our natural response comes out, now the beast comes out, And We Are At The Mercy of This Beast that has caged and controlled us all our life! We are Angry and out of control.
What else have we possibly learned from the other important protagonists in this story? Mother? Mother who is loved and adored. Mother who 'Tries' to help...but fails. An ineffectual mother, who is adored but not the Success role model to want to emulate. Mother who also leaves “Imprints”. Who habitually Tries to get baby to sleep. And we learn Programming and Belief- ‘Getting baby to sleep is Not Easy. You have to Try.’
And a mother who’s obviously overwhelmed (crying) and ‘makes me feel sad, confused. I want to help, but how can I?’ The baby being shushed in the arms feels. ‘Mother is sad, that makes Me sad. What can I do?’ All babies and children feel they are Responsible for their parents feelings. So... I learn- ‘I cannot help, I’m overwhelmed, Life is confusing and overwhelming.’ And -I don’t have a range of coping skills or a range of successful alternative responses.
And Dad? “Dad broke my heart. Made me feel unloved, I don’t matter....I cannot Make him Love me. Why can I not make him Love me? What is wrong with me? There is something wrong with me. If my Father can’t love me, who can? So now baby is crying- and I feel? “Baby doesn’t love me actually, and is showing me. No one loves me. Something is Wrong with me. I’m unloved, I am being shown I am Unloved, and that makes me feel? Angry!”
And what about physical actions? How have we learned to React physically in a stressful situation? What did Dad do? What did Mum do? She walked away, and paced the floor when she couldn’t cope. ‘What do I do now when I get angry? I force myself to walk away.’ Just like? “Just like Mum."
When I worked on the Transformation for this case, I spent a long time addressing all the things that came out, and brought in healing to the wounds. Showed which wounds were real, which didn’t need to exist anymore. Made peace with certain people...and brought in- A different World View. This is my way of re-wiring, re-writing the beliefs and programs. After that comes the recording...
This is a Small illustration of the process of Getting Deeper into understanding what the root cause of Anger in this or similar situations might be. We have to look from many different perspectives, because the truth is that looking at it from different perspectives will give a better picture at Understanding. Which is why RTT is so cool. In discovering the root cause, in finding and gripping that elusive thread that is holding on to that trigger, and snapping it off!
Understanding is Key. It is the Key to that cage, that cupboard, to let out the Beast...the beast inside All of Us.
Now, we understand- We are Free.
With love and gratitude especially to the most beautiful of clients🙏🏼💗,